The rights and wrongs of dressing up for Halloween

It's Halloweeny time. It's the one day of the year when you can wear whatever you want and look as ridiculous as your heart desires, without fear of being critiqued.

Or so you thought.

I went to two Ween parties this weekend and, as such, am a virtual expert on Halloween fashion. Today is the actual holiday, so if you plan to dress up tonight, take heed please.

My number one pet peeve, right behind people who drive in the rain without their lights on, is girls who dress super skanky for Halloween.

I'm all about being sexy. I love short dresses and showing just the right amount of skin; but there is such a thing as too much skin.

I saw numerous girls this weekend - sexy nurses, sexy firefighters, sexy police officers, sexy soldiers (yes, it's true) - who typified the "Halloween is just an excuse for me to wear as little clothing as possible" mentality.

I can't exactly say that I wore a lot of clothing, but at least I disguised it as actually going as a character. (Victoria Beckham, to be exact.) It's the lack of creativity combined with the skankiness that bothers me.

At least I didn't see any girls in their underwear, which I definitely did last year. Lawd. Going as a "Victoria's Secret Angel" is bull - you're just going in your underwear. Let's be honest.

Moving on. I'm over baggy Halloween costumes. I mean, you get to be anything you want for one day out of 365. Why would you want to be someone who dresses badly?

I have written again and again about how icky baggy clothes are. So stop it. Yeah, I'm talking to you, brontosaurus. And you, lobster.

Also, I'm tired of being scared on Halloween. Don't wear super gross things that make me want to gag. Like all those masks that make it look like you have some sort of sharp instrument protruding from your forehead. Ick. Eek. So not hot.

Why would you want to look dead while you're walking around obviously quite alive? Stoopid.

The lamest is when people don't dress up for costume parties. If you're not going to dress up, don't go to the party. Or when people sort of half-ass their costumes and then when people ask them what they are, they kind of bumble around trying to figure out what they are. Lamezo.

Dress up for the party or don't go. Dress up to trick-or-treat or don't go. It's freaking Halloween. Go all out or don't go at all.

For all of you who are going out tonight: dress up, be safe, have fun. And please, steer clear of the fake blood, entrails, miscellaneous body parts, etc. etc.

Be fabulous or just stay home and eat candy. Which is beginning to sound pretty nice, actually. Mmmm, candy corn. Get it now before Wal-Mart runs out.

See you all next week. Until then, majorly yours.