Thursday, November 8, 2007

The amazing world of Wal-Mart fashion

The attendance at the game Saturday was fewer than 24,000 people, which (rumor has it) was the lowest attendance in the SEC in recent memory.

Most people think it's because our football team is just plain bad, but in reality it's because people are tired of seeing khaki pants with Colonel Rebs all over them and Rebel flag neck ties.

If the fashion is that awful, and the football team is that bad, there literally is no reason to go to the game.

As such, I didn't go. At least I was in good (and large) company.

Since I wasn't in the Grove Saturday to critique fashion, I've decided to critique the fashion of another place everyone knows and loves dearly.

We all go there on a regular basis, and we all see the people who walk around looking like fools.

Go on a Saturday when there is an away game, and you'll see the real characters of Lafayette County come out of the woodwork.

To which magical place am I referring? None other than Wal-Mart.

I try my hardest to avoid Wal-Mart on the weekends, because I am literally frightened by the things I see when I go.

However, it could not be avoided this past weekend, and so I want to share some of the things I saw.

I'm pretty sure I saw a farmer. A true city girl at heart, I don't think I've ever actually seen a farmer in person before. Until Saturday.

He was pretty old, with lots of white hair and a big white beard.Easily confused with Santa Claus except for the fact that he was wearing a plaid short-sleeved button-up under denim overalls.

My memory is fuzzy, but I think he may also have been donning a straw wide-rim hat. The only thing that would have made the outfit complete would be one of those long things farmers like to chew on; I forget what they're called.

Next. The baggy faded T-shirt may as well be a requirement to go into Wal-Mart.

I saw a guy with a Mickey Mouse shirt on. Faux pas. No. 1.

It was way too big for him. No 2. It was faded and looked like it was probably dirty. No. 3.

And he was not alone. I understand that not everyone feels the urge to dress up to go to Wal-Mart. I know I certainly don't.

But if there's one thing I can't stand, it's baggy, faded T-shirts that are worn so thin you can basically see through them. Unless you're wearing it to bed, don't wear it.

There's just something about Wal-Mart that encourages people to slack off when it comes to fashion.

Including people like me who like to dress cutely as much as possible.

Even I am not beyond critique, so here it goes. On one recent trip to Wal-Mart, I wore gray pajama pants, a spaghetti strap undershirt and a T-shirt. No bra.

I'm sure many girls know, especially for us larger-chested females, going without a bra is the ultimate sign of "I don't care at all." Wal-Mart is the ultimate braless zone.

If I'm leaving my house without a bra, I'm probably headed to Wal-Mart.

Also, wearing pajamas out of the house is not okay. Unless you are going to Wal-Mart. Or it's exam week.

Other than that, if you've got pajamas on, you better be in bed or lounging around your house. Otherwise, no ma'am.

But maybe this is all part of the so-called charm of Wal-Mart.

It's not high-class.

It's a public place, but it doesn't require that you dress like you're going out in public. It welcomes everyone indiscriminately.

You can argue for whether or not these qualities are good, but I know I always feel comfortable in Wal-Mart.

Especially when I'm wearing pajamas.

Next week: LSU Grove preview.

It's the last home game of the season and the last home game of my Ole Miss career. Tear. Until then, majorly yours.

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