I know I made a promise last week never to mention Crocs again. It pains me to do so, but I feel my journalistic integrity might be compromised if I neglect to inform the general public of the crime I witnessed this weekend.
I went to Birmingham for the weekend, and there I went to a mall. In this mall, I saw a woman wearing denim shorts, socks and Army green Crocs. Not just any Army green Crocs. These Crocs were special. They were somehow ... different.
They were bedazzled.
My heart stopped. I felt myself sliding gradually toward oblivion. Then I saw a girl wearing an oversized sweatshirt sporting her favorite football team (not Ole Miss, BTW), a teeny denim skirt with lots of fringe and what appeared to be plaid board shoes.
All while attempting to pull off the Vicky B hair - and failing miserably. Poor thing.
But she made me forget momentarily about the Crocs, so I owe her my life. Thanks, betch.
If you have ever owned or presently own any articles of clothing that are bedazzled, bejeweled or be-(insert disgusting faux pas here)-ed, throw them away. Throw them all into a pile and then set that pile on fire. Bah. Shudder.
Back to Oxford. I don't recall ever seeing anything bedazzled on this campus, and I am thankful for that. However, I have seen numerous other affronts, so let's get started.
The other day I saw a guy wearing tube socks. Really? I thought we all left our tube socks back in 1998 gym class.
I know I rocked the tube socks every day in middle school. All the way up to my knees, baby. I also seem to recall rolling the tube socks down so they looked like little doughnuts around my ankles. That was cool for a minute.
Athletic socks in general are just not cute and, generally speaking, no one wants to see them. Wear ankle socks or, even better, not-socks. They're those teeny socks you can buy at Wal-Mart that don't show when you wear tennis shoes. Loves them.
Affront number two for this week: wearing printed underwear under white clothing. No ma'am. Or sir for that matter.
Whether it's a bra or panties or boxer briefs with a nifty polka dot pattern on them, I don't want to see it, and I really don't think anyone else does either. I'm all about fun undies, but keep them to yourself and maybe, like, one other person.
If you want to wear them to class, wear opaque clothing over them. If you want to wear a white T-shirt, wear a nude bra. Pretty basic.
Next. I saw a guy wearing tie-dye earlier this week. I own one tie-dye shirt, and it remains comfortably in the bottom of my T-shirt drawer. I might sleep in it sometimes. But I certainly don't wear it out in public. Come on, y'all.
Next week: More fall trends I love and, yep, the third Grove recap. The high for Saturday is 89 degrees. It's October. WTF.
Irregardless, it's Homecoming, arguably the dressiest Grove of the season. Pull out all the stops. I'll be watching bitchez.
Until then, majorly yours.
Got beef with Miss Blalock or want to vent about your own distaste for Crocs and other fashion faux pas?
Listen to the Rebel Radio Morning Show each Friday at 7 a.m. for a healthy dose of Hautey Toddy on the airwaves.
Tune in to 92.1 FM in Oxford and surrounding areas.