Thursday, February 28, 2008

How (not) to dress for an interview

As a senior with some experience in the professional world, I know the importance of proper attire in the workplace. I have worked at two professional magazines and have seen the proper way to dress for work - whether it's a standard workday or a more casual day. And let me tell you, neither one involves tennis shoes.

In recent events around town that were business-oriented, I have noticed some of the most atrocious "professional" outfits I have ever seen.

I saw one girl wearing a silk lavender (poor-fitting) shirt, black dress pants with lavender piping to match and… tennis shoes. And, yeah, you guessed it - her tennis shoes had lavender detailing as well.

Vom. That's all I have to say about that.

Poor thing. I wanted to help her out. I would buy her a shirt that fit, first of all. There's nothing wrong with matching piping in pants and the color shirt you are wearing, as long as it's not too obvious. And obvs I would put her in a pair of nice black pumps and light her tennis shoes on fire.

If you're going to work out, tennis shoes are fine. If you wear tennis shoes to a job interview, the only job you deserve is getting paid to dress extremely poorly.

Now, I know that not everyone can afford nice suits, shoes and accessories just for a job interview. But there are reasonably priced solutions - you can dress professionally on a budget. No one says you have to wear a D&G button-up or a Gucci suit to an interview to look nice - or get the job.

Banana Republic is my favorite store. Def. And part of the reason is because they have great quality clothes and amazing, wondrous, heavenly sales. If there's a heaven, it's an infinite Banana Republic store where everything you try on fits perfectly. And everything is free. And there's a chocolate buffet in the middle, and you never gain weight, etc.

Yes, they put their suits on sale, and they are amazing deals. I looked at their Web site, and there currently aren't any sales on men's or women's suits, but once it's time to move the spring collection out and the fall collection in, these items should go on sale.

I have a two-button blazer and pencil skirt suit from there that is amazing. It wasn't cheap, but it wasn't Gucci expensive either.

If you can't afford or don't want to pay for Banana-quality stuff, other good places to look include H&M and Forever 21. There aren't any H&Ms in the South that I know of, but there are Forever 21s everywhere. Granted, the quality of clothing you will get is significantly lower than somewhere like Banana, but you will also pay a lot less.

Another thing I've noticed with men and women alike, but especially with men, is that they don't wear suits that fit properly. A suit should be fitted to your frame, not loose and baggy.

Guys: The bottom of the jacket should rest against your body right where the crotch of your pants starts. Of course, this relies upon you wearing pants that fit properly and not having baggy crotches. I think a lot of guys think they need a lot of room in there - let's be honest. We know you don't.

The tie is crucial. Unfortunately, there is no set rule for avoiding fugly ties. You just have to have style. Generally though, stay away from bright, busy patterns and stick with simple, solid, bold colors. Also, the tie should hit in the middle of your belt. Not shorter. And definitely not longer. If you take away nothing else from this weekly column, please heed this advice.

Ladies: It can be trickier for us because we want to look stylish without wearing something too tight or showing too much skin. You know, because we're the more delicate sex blah blah blah, vom vom vom.

Fitted suits are still appropriate for women, but if the jacket or skirt is buckling at the bust, around the back or across the buttock, that means it is too tight. Go up one size. I saw a girl this weekend wearing a pencil skirt that was so tight her entire lower body shifted up and down when she took an awkward step forward in her five-inch heels. No, sweetie.

Which brings me to my next point. High heels are acceptable in the workplace but not trashy high heels. Platforms, black patent leather and shoes with any excessive strings or buckles should be avoided - AKA, let's-have-sex-right-now pumps. A five-inch classy black pump, whilst uncomfortable, is not forbidden.

Next week, a surprise. I've been planning it for months. Just in time for spring break. Until then, majorly yours.

How (not) to dress for an interview

As a senior with some experience in the professional world, I know the importance of proper attire in the workplace. I have worked at two professional magazines and have seen the proper way to dress for work - whether it's a standard workday or a more casual day. And let me tell you, neither one involves tennis shoes.

In recent events around town that were business-oriented, I have noticed some of the most atrocious "professional" outfits I have ever seen.

I saw one girl wearing a silk lavender (poor-fitting) shirt, black dress pants with lavender piping to match and… tennis shoes. And, yeah, you guessed it - her tennis shoes had lavender detailing as well.

Vom. That's all I have to say about that.

Poor thing. I wanted to help her out. I would buy her a shirt that fit, first of all. There's nothing wrong with matching piping in pants and the color shirt you are wearing, as long as it's not too obvious. And obvs I would put her in a pair of nice black pumps and light her tennis shoes on fire.

If you're going to work out, tennis shoes are fine. If you wear tennis shoes to a job interview, the only job you deserve is getting paid to dress extremely poorly.

Now, I know that not everyone can afford nice suits, shoes and accessories just for a job interview. But there are reasonably priced solutions - you can dress professionally on a budget. No one says you have to wear a D&G button-up or a Gucci suit to an interview to look nice - or get the job.

Banana Republic is my favorite store. Def. And part of the reason is because they have great quality clothes and amazing, wondrous, heavenly sales. If there's a heaven, it's an infinite Banana Republic store where everything you try on fits perfectly. And everything is free. And there's a chocolate buffet in the middle, and you never gain weight, etc.

Yes, they put their suits on sale, and they are amazing deals. I looked at their Web site, and there currently aren't any sales on men's or women's suits, but once it's time to move the spring collection out and the fall collection in, these items should go on sale.

I have a two-button blazer and pencil skirt suit from there that is amazing. It wasn't cheap, but it wasn't Gucci expensive either.

If you can't afford or don't want to pay for Banana-quality stuff, other good places to look include H&M and Forever 21. There aren't any H&Ms in the South that I know of, but there are Forever 21s everywhere. Granted, the quality of clothing you will get is significantly lower than somewhere like Banana, but you will also pay a lot less.

Another thing I've noticed with men and women alike, but especially with men, is that they don't wear suits that fit properly. A suit should be fitted to your frame, not loose and baggy.

Guys: The bottom of the jacket should rest against your body right where the crotch of your pants starts. Of course, this relies upon you wearing pants that fit properly and not having baggy crotches. I think a lot of guys think they need a lot of room in there - let's be honest. We know you don't.

The tie is crucial. Unfortunately, there is no set rule for avoiding fugly ties. You just have to have style. Generally though, stay away from bright, busy patterns and stick with simple, solid, bold colors. Also, the tie should hit in the middle of your belt. Not shorter. And definitely not longer. If you take away nothing else from this weekly column, please heed this advice.

Ladies: It can be trickier for us because we want to look stylish without wearing something too tight or showing too much skin. You know, because we're the more delicate sex blah blah blah, vom vom vom.

Fitted suits are still appropriate for women, but if the jacket or skirt is buckling at the bust, around the back or across the buttock, that means it is too tight. Go up one size. I saw a girl this weekend wearing a pencil skirt that was so tight her entire lower body shifted up and down when she took an awkward step forward in her five-inch heels. No, sweetie.

Which brings me to my next point. High heels are acceptable in the workplace but not trashy high heels. Platforms, black patent leather and shoes with any excessive strings or buckles should be avoided - AKA, let's-have-sex-right-now pumps. A five-inch classy black pump, whilst uncomfortable, is not forbidden.

Next week, a surprise. I've been planning it for months. Just in time for spring break. Until then, majorly yours.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

I wonder when people stopped knowing how to act... and dress

So, I went to Memphis this weekend for my Valentine's date. Gross, I know. I will spare you the sappy details, but I saw lots of things while in the "home of the Delta blues" - I put that in quotes because we Mississippians know that just ain't true - that gave me the blues. The fashion blues. Woooooe is me.

We went out to dinner Saturday night at a nice restaurant in downtown Memphis. It wasn't what you would classify as "fine" dining; however, it was really expensive and had really good food and an amazing bar and wine list.

Therefore, it was nice. Therefore, you should dress nice. For women, a dress is in order. For men, at minimum dress pants and a button-up shirt is required.

So imagine my horror when I walk into the restaurant and not only is it really crowded, but people are standing around in jeans and tennis shoes.

Really? I was wearing a black sequin dress, black hose and black Mary Jane platforms and felt extremely overdressed, which is a problem. Actually, I don't ever feel overdressed, I just notice how underdressed everyone else is. Fools.

Later on, at this restaurant that shall remain nameless, I saw an 8-year-old in the bathroom wearing a Juicy Couture sweatshirt. I didn't know they made sizes that small in Juicy Couture, nor have I ever cared to know.

I'm over Juicy Couture. In fact, I've never been under it. Anyone who pays $100 for a pair of velour freaking sweatpants probably has an IQ on the lower half of the bell curve.

And any parent who would buy something like that for an 8-year-old - and proceed to take that child to a nice steak house where said child will proceed to spill meat and salad all over themselves - probably has a similar IQ.

Also, I have always felt that having "juicy" written across your ass is not only utterly ridiculous but also makes you look stupid because it lets everyone know you paid $100 for those pants that you shouldn't even be wearing out of the house. Fool.

On a related note - children under the age of 13 should not be allowed in nice restaurants. Period. If you have enough money to eat somewhere really nice, you have enough money to get a babysitter. They are loud and run around everywhere and spill things. If I'm going out to eat expecting to pay a lot, I expect a perfect experience. If your child is yelling in my ear while I'm sipping on a martini and waiting for my table, it detracts from my experience. Shudder. Children. They - not unlike their parents - rarely know how to act.

So, then we went to the Peabody for cocktails - obvs so much better than mere drinks - and it was more of the same.

People wearing denim. Stretchy denim. Stretchy cotton pants. You name it. In the Peabody lounge at 10 p.m. on a Saturday, where the drinks range anywhere from $10 to $40 per, you freaking dress up.

If you're going to sip on a $30 glass of Crown Royal - yes, I saw it on the menu - then you may as well dress like you are.

You not only owe it to yourself to do so, but you also owe it to the long history of snooty, rich Memphis bourgeois sipping on expensive whiskey in that very lobby. They didn't skimp on the proper clothing, and neither should you my friend.

For next time, I hope people learn how to act. Until then, majorly yours.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Cupid stole my heart... and your sense of style

It's Valentine's Day. You know what that means. As you're reading this, I'm either in class wishing I were at home eating chocolate and texting people about how stupid Valentine's Day is, or I'm sitting at home eating chocolate and texting people about how stupid Valentine's Day is.

What are we even celebrating on Valentine's Day? I don't love any of the people in my life any less the day before this "holiday" or the day after, so why should I be coerced into buying candy in pink bags or cheesy Hallmark gift cards out of my love for them?

Who is St. Valentine and what did he do? He could have done something atrocious - like wear white after Labor Day - and none of us would know, because we've been brainwashed to walk around in sugar-induced, coma-like states on Feb. 14, professing love to anyone moderately attractive.

I say boo on Valentine's Day. I'm not even particularly single and I still think it's ridiculous.

Also ridiculous: so many outfits I saw over the past week. It was like I stepped into the twilight zone this weekend I saw so many ridiculous things.

Things you would never think someone would actually put on her body. Oh, but I saw them.

First I saw a girl in the mall wearing a brown cotton dress that hit just above her knees. Not bad, you might think. Maybe so. But then she paired it with calf-high brown furry boots. And I do mean furry boots.

Not just boots with the fur a la Flo Rida. The exterior of these boots was completely covered in faux brown fur. It looked like a large squirrel had died on both her feet. Shudder.

Within the next 30 minutes, in the same mall, I saw a girl wearing a gray one-piece pantsuit number.

You know, those really tight ones that you step into and then zip up the front. It had belt loops built in, so she deemed it appropriate to wear a red patent leather belt.

The belt matched the baby tee she wore over the top part of the pantsuit, and the shirt matched her shoes, which were five-inch white platforms with red polka dots.

Yes, you heard me correctly. I didn't stutter. I'm pretty sure I stopped breathing when I realized just how bad this outfit was.

Not only was it a one-piece skin-tight pantsuit. Not only was she too matchy-matchy with all the red. Not only was she wearing possibly the fugliest shoes I've ever seen. But she was also a really cute girl, which made it that much worse that she dumbed her look down so much. So, so much.

And finally, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on the sundae of extremely bad fashion decisions.

As I walked to campus Monday morning from my parking spot that was eons away from any central location, I walked behind a girl donning a sweatshirt, ankle-length sweatpants and … flip flops.

Really? I could barely process the information my brain was retrieving. Obviously she was cold. It was 30 degrees outside, and as she got ready to leave her house that morning she thought, on some level, it's cold outside. I better put on long sleeves and heavy pants.

And obvi I'll wear flip flops, because those will keep my feet, like, soooo warm.

You look like a damn. Fool. Then later I saw a girl wearing Nike workout shorts and flip flops. Are you working out or going to the beach? Make up your mind. It's freaking 40 degrees outside. Dress appropriately, bia.

I hope everyone has a great Valentine's Day. If you don't have a Valentine, never mind. Just keep reminding yourself it's a holiday created by corporate America to get you to spend money on ish you don't really need.

Until next time, majorly yours.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

The real winner of Super Tuesday: Skinny jeans

As I sit writing this column, it is Tuesday and Armageddon is upon us. There are tornadoes everywhere, a tree is on fire somewhere in Oxford and several buildings have been damaged. Trees are falling down and lights are going out.

I drove to Birmingham today to vote in the primary there, and as I was driving back I saw what might be considered a bona fide lightning storm.

All this is to say that I was scared. Very scared. And in those moments that could have been my last, when the wind was howling and large drops of water threatened to take over my car, I thought about jeans.

I thought, "Thank God for skinny jeans." I saw a girl the other day, I believe at one of the local bars, wearing hard core flared denim with boots. No ma'am.

I recently converted my roommate to skinny jeans and even she now admits that once you go skinny, you never go back.

Flares are just so awful. If you're going to wear jeans and high-heeled boots, for the love, don't wear flares. They swallow the bottom half of your leg and, by association, your cute boots. Let's all leave flares where they belong - in 1999.

With a black man and a white woman running for president of the United States, the time has come to progress.

Don't fear the jeans that hug your calves. If you have nice legs, go for it.

In addition to the foul weather we experienced earlier this week, we also experienced two very American celebrations on one day: Super Tuesday and Fat Tuesday. Also known as Super Fat Obese Tuesday, making it all the more American.

I'm over Mardi Gras beads. I got over them really quickly Tuesday night when I was out on the Square and everyone and their brother slash sister thought it was appropriate to wear them, regardless of what their outfits looked like.

I appreciate the celebration of Mardi Gras, but those beads are just so fugly. And the fact that they have come to be equated with girls baring their breasts is just unfortunate.

Girls, if you wear Mardi Gras beads, even on Fat Tuesday, you look like a slut. Sad but true. Just don't do it.

Plus, the cheap plastic is liable to turn your skin green. Eek.

Apparently Fat Tuesday is also an excuse for people to dress as ridiculously as they see fit. I saw plenty of people on the Square donning ridiculous hats, shirts and other attire I assume they thought was somehow resemblant of Mardi Gras.

Just because it is oversized, brightly colored and tacky does not mean it should be equated with Mardi Gras. Put that ish away. We're not even in New Orleans. You look stupid.

I want to go back to jeans for a second. The debate over whether black jeans are acceptable rages on. I say that they are acceptable, but only very specific types of black jeans. No acid wash.

They have to be dark, dark black; if they are faded at all they look like 1985, and they should be bumped.

They also need to be skinny, of course. Skinny black jeans with a brightly colored heel - on point.

I hope everyone made it through the storms OK. Next week I'll bring a storm of my own, talking about more fashion blunders I've seen. People, stop wearing sandals when it's cold outside! Srsly. The weather is crazy, but that doesn't mean you have to dress like you are also crazy.

Until next time, majorly yours.