Thursday, September 27, 2007

More best and worst: Grove fashion

I feel that I should start my column this week with a disclaimer: I love college football. I really do.

And it's probably true that if it weren't for college football, the tradition of tailgating in the Grove on Saturdays wouldn't exist. However, if football didn't exist, I'm sure Ole Miss students and alumni alike would find other reasons to get together, eat, drink and be merry.

The Grove is not about football. If it were about football and football only, people wouldn't dress up. They wouldn't even attempt to dress up. Just like on nearly every other college campus in the country, people would wear T-shirts and jean shorts and paint their faces red slash blue in obvious support of our team. But they don't.

Instead people wear expensive dresses and deck their tents with elaborate flower arrangements and chandeliers. Why? Because the Grove isn't about football. It's about getting together with people you love and having a good time. Oh, and (gasp) it's about fashion.

If people didn't make any attempt whatsoever to dress up, guess who wouldn't be critiquing them? This girl.

However, because the tradition is to dress up, and because people continue to at least make attempts to do so, I will continue to write about the awful things I see. And this week there's plenty to write about.

First off, last week I talked about ensuring that the clothes you wear fit properly. Not only is it true that no one wants to see all your junk, but also that no one wants to see evidence of your undies.

Quatra boob? No. Panty lines? A big no. Especially in the Grove. I saw numerous silk and satin dresses (often the worst when it comes to showing panty lines) that showed every nook and cranny created by underwear. Either buy seamless underwear or buy a dress that fits better. It's not that hard.

I know you're sick of hearing me rage against Crocs, and I'm uber sick of writing about them. So one more mention of these affronts on fashion and I promise (pinky swear) never to mention them again.

Maybe the reason the football team can't seem to get their ish together has nothing to do with actually coaching or playing football. Maybe the Ole Miss gods are just pissed off because they saw Crocs in the Grove Saturday. Not just Crocs, but red Crocs with a blue strap. Vom. I'm just sayin'.

I don't recall seeing any embroidered Colonel Rebs on khaki pants this Grove. Yay for that. However, I did see embroidered navy blue "M"s on bright red pants. Only slightly better than the aforementioned fad but still offensive.

Here's a good rule: If you bought it in a Rebel bookstore or that section of Wal-Mart where they sell shakers and Ole Miss wall clocks: Do. Not. Wear. It.

I want to instate a ban on backward caps of any kind in the Grove. I saw a dude wearing a backward visor on Saturday. Really? I didn't even notice the rest of his ensemble because I couldn't force myself to look away from the visor. The backward visor.

The whole point of visors is to shade your face from the sun while keeping your head cool. So wearing it backward is totally pointless and looks dumb. Forget frattastic, this guy just looked craptastic.

I was talking to a friend of mine this weekend who goes to Wake Forest, another school notorious for dressing up for football games, and he said that guys always wear a jacket and tie, or at least a tie and a button-up if it's really hot outside.

Having been to numerous Groves in my student career, I have noticed a distinct inconsistency of dress among the men and women who attend.

Women always dress up. I could count on one hand the number of girls I saw wearing something remotely casual on Saturday. However, I would need more digits than my hands and feet can offer to count the number of males I saw dressed casually.

Donning a polo and khaki shorts does not count as dressing up. It just doesn't. Nor does wearing a suit with flip-flops.Wear dress shoes, and wear (at the very least) a button-up. A necktie is preferable.

And when fall arrives, I do expect to see dress jackets.

Next week: fashion police part two. I'm keeping my eyes open bitchez. Until then, majorly yours.

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