Thursday, September 13, 2007

Recap: the good, the bad and the ugly of Grove fashion

Let me start this week by saying that I saw a decent amount of cute women's fashion in the Grove Saturday. I saw pair after pair of metallic platform pumps (yum) and several cute dresses. And very few strands of pearls! Maybe last week I actually reached some people. But you can't reach everyone. Obvi.

Just walking from my car to the Grove at noon, I saw so many guys wearing red polo shirts with khaki pants (or shorts ... behhh) that I wanted to vom. If you want to wear red to support the football team, I'm all about that. But be unique and, for God's sake, make an effort to be at least a little dressy. This is the Grove on game day. Yes, it's hot as hell outside. If I can wear a cocktail dress and four-inch heels, you can wear dress pants and a nice shirt. Don't play.

Remember what I said about stilettos? I wasn't kidding. I saw numerous girls walking around in their four-inch heels like their feet were killing them. But at least they were making an effort, because I saw even more girls walking around barefoot carrying their pumps in their hands. WTF? Barefoot? In the stadium? Really?

It defeats the purpose of wearing cute shoes if you're not going to ... wear them. I have walked the streets of New York City barefoot (another story for another day), and even I would hesitate to prance around in that stadium barefoot. Ew.

Three words: red khaki pants. No. Just no.

Oh. My. God. Those khaki pants with little embroidered Colonel Rebs all over them? Nu-uh. If I were God, I would spontaneously combust every. Last. Pair. In. Existence. I would much rather you wear those plaid shorts I hate than these heinous monstrosities. I iz afraid.

Another thing I discussed in a previous column that I saw quite a lot of this past Saturday: It's so important to wear clothes that fit. I saw one skirt/top combination that fit so poorly I literally think the poor girl would have looked better naked. She wasn't even that overweight - she just needed a lot of help figuring out how to find clothes that aren't too tight.

All you have to do is look in the mirror, and be honest with yourself. If it doesn't look good, that's OK, just go find something else to put on. That's what the rest of us do; surely it's not beyond your capabilities as well.

Things were pretty non-offensive in the Grove, aside from all the stuff I just mentioned, and I was pleasantly surprised. Then I went to the game.

Sitting (rather, standing) in the student section, you see a bunch of things you'd rather not see, fashion and otherwise. I saw four girls in a row wearing white dresses. Um, it's Sept. 8, which is precisely five days after Labor Day. White = no.

I also saw way too many floral patterns. I actually liked some of them, but literally every other girl who walked by seemed to be donning flowers. Some of them were pretty, but by the end of the game (or halftime, when I chunked a deuce), I was over it. Wear floral prints in spring, not late Summer.

As far as guys were concerned, I probably saw one really well-dressed male in the stadium, other than IDK my BFF. Other than that, eh. Guys, come on. Go back and read my column from last week and avoid the things I mentioned in this one.

Recap: no red cotton polos, no red khaki pants and no Colonel Reb embroideries. If I never saw any of these transgressions again, it would be too soon.

Next week: pre-Grove No. 2 and the first week of campus fashion police. Until then, majorly yours.

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