Thursday, September 20, 2007

Taking on chunky shoes, Oxford heels and the latest fall fashions

This week, I've decided to combine fashion police and fall fashion trends. Sort of a what-not-to-do followed by a what-to-do list.

The Grove is this weekend, and even though it's going to be 90 degrees outside, you might want to try some of the trends I mention. Especially the shoes. Mmm shoes.

First of all, the other day I was walking to class and saw a girl wearing an Ole Miss T-shirt, a pair of black athletic shorts and black Crocs.

I'm pretty sure my heart stopped for a second when I saw these heinous excuses for "shoes."

What? Crocs are bad enough, but... black Crocs? It looked like she lost her feet to two small black holes. No ma'am. I wish her luck in finding them.

Speaking of Crocs, it was in the news this week that these abominations don't mix well with escalators, as people keep getting their toes caught in the moving stairs and injuring themselves. Well, duh. The toes on them are large enough to house a small family.

Crocs don't mix well with escalators, true. Let's be honest. They don't mix well with life.

Moving on. I also saw a girl wearing chunk-a-munk shoes, straight out of the 1994 Hot Topic catalog. I'm talking 4-inch platforms in the front, 5-inch heels in the back. Same deal as with the Crocs - your feet look enormous.

I suppose they would have been handy if you needed to knock somebody out with a swift kick to the face or squish a large crustacean.

Otherwise, it's time to put them away. Forever. Forever ever.

Another trend I've noticed on campus for girls and guys both is that of obnoxious screen tees. Everyone's got something to say, and it seems that some people deem it appropriate to put their opinions right there on their T-shirts.

It's hard to have a conversation with someone who has "My boyfriend's better than yours" sprawled across her chest in comic sans. These have got to go.

My personal favorite: "B is for Biatch." It's horrible, but let's be honest: I'd wear it. Because I'm just that much of a B.

Guys - stop it with the camo. I noticed in one of my classes the other day that at least three people were wearing camo somewhere on their person. Why?

Our country may be at war, but you're sitting in a chair in a classroom in Mississippi. Stop it. It doesn't make you invisible - unfortunately.

Moving on to trends. Two of my favorite trends for the upcoming fall season (and two you can start wearing now, even though it's hot as hell outside) are the cape and the two-toned pump.

A cape is just what it sounds like. Not super hero style, but Belle in Disney's "Beauty and the Beast" style. She rocked the cape, and now it's coming back. They come in all different varieties - short-sleeve (appropriate for this warm weather), long-sleeve, mid-waist length and mid-thigh length.

For the longer and thicker versions, we'll have to wait another month or so here in Mississippi. For the shorter, lighter versions, I say go for it.

Two-toned pumps have got to be one of my favorite. Things. Ever.

Black and white pumps are quite popular, which is fine with me. Black pumps with white toe caps and vice versa seem to be especially hot right now.

My personal favorites are Oxford lace-up pumps. Yes, yes, yes. They look just like the men's version of the shoe, but typically have high stiletto heels and pointy toes.

They also coincide with the "girl clothes that look like boy clothes" trend I think is also going to be big this fall. So hot.

Next week: Grove recap (for the love of God, the only thing I ask of you is to leave embroidered Colonel Reb at home or, preferably, in the trash) and more fall fashion trends. Until then, majorly yours.

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