Thursday, March 27, 2008


My name has been in the paper several times this week and not just on the masthead and at the top of this column.

Monday my roomie Christine wrote an opinion column on fashion, in which she argued that fashion should be a personal choice and a mode of self-expression. Of course it should, but fashion as a study and as an industry becomes meaningless if it is not held to certain standards. But that is another column for another day.

Then on Tuesday, my dear editor published a comment from made by my friend Jim Dees from Thacker Mountain Radio.

I have to say thank you for reading and thanks for saying I'm attractive. Usually I think I'm attractive, too, but sometimes I wonder.

Oh, and my sunglasses aren't that big. It's true that they are large. But extra large, no.

I've decided to write my column this week on bar fashion. The only thing more sacred than Grove fashion at this school is "going out" fashion.

Are you going out tonight? I guarantee you I am. Maybe I'll see you at the Grocery or Parrish's. The latter only if they play good music. And by good I mean Ludacris, Usher and Webbie.

Last time I was out on the Square, I saw a girl walk in the bar wearing a T-shirt, the infamous Nike workout shorts and flip flops.

Really? I'm sitting here in a baby doll dress and 5-inch heels, and you're gonna roll up looking like you just came from the gym? Hellz no.

Then there are the ladies who dress up too much for the Square. They are the types that tend to overdress all the time, i.e., wearing designer gowns and shoes to the Grove.

They also love to mess their hair up before they go out, which makes no sense. And they wear entirely too much make-up. You may be dressed like a fool, but that doesn't mean you have to look like a clown.

One time I saw a girl's ass at 208 (R.I.P.). She was wearing a tunic dress so short that when she lifted her arms to hug someone or get her wine off the bar, her panties showed. Not. Hot.

I have nothing against underwear. But I sure as hell don't want to see your white cotton briefs donned with pastel flowers while I'm in one of the best restaurants in Oxford. Shudder.

Guys aren't innocent either. If you are wearing khaki shorts to the bar, you look like a fool. If you are wearing full-on athletic gear, you are a fool.

Last time I was out I saw a guy wearing sweatpants, a T-shirt and a sweatshirt in the bar.

What? Same rules apply as they do for our gym bunny from earlier - if you just worked out, that's cool; just go home and change before you go out.

You could probably use a shower anyway, LBO.

I am also not a fan of the super-dressy look at the bars. I think there's a happy middle ground between workout clothes and suits.

One time I was out and saw a guy wearing a full suit with a bright pink dress shirt. No. Just no.

You're in freaking Oxford. We're all in Oxford. It's an unfortunate situation, and, luckily for me and many of you, a temporary one.

It's a good idea to dress cute for the bars, def. But to wear a suit or something equally ostentatious to a bar in Oxford just makes you look stupid. This town is full of rich people.

Dressing rich doesn't make you look cool or respectable. Dress well, yes, but also get over yourself.

If it's likely you are going to see vomit at least once while you are out tonight, dress accordingly. Some girl vommed in the sink one time when I was out. No lie.

Until next time, majorly yours.

1 comment:

Meralda Felwitch said...

I hope you won't let that clumsy attempt at a scathing rebuke in today's DM hurt you! The writer simply doesn't understand what you're doing, or how funny you are, and anyway she probably has a closetfull of Crocs and was wearing a too-small tube-top and a pair of men's red pleated dress pants when she wrote it. Keep up the good work!