Trick me once, shame on you. Trick me twice, I'll tell you to stop wearing those ridiculous clock-embroidered pants.
I searched and searched for a topic for this first column. I thought about discussing Christmas Day fashion, but Christmas was so long ago, and it wouldn't be politically correct to exclude other holidays, of course.
I considered writing about random fashion disasters I saw over the break, but I spent the majority of it anywhere but Oxford, so that wouldn't be entirely relevant.
So I decided to discuss New Year's women's fashion resolutions. It's the dawn of a new year and a new semester, for some of you maybe your last semester of college, and I can't think of a better time to decide to dress well.
One of the big trends coming up for spring is sheer fabric. Of course it looks fabulous on super-skinny runway models, but for most real people, it probably won't work.
The top spring collections include everything from sheer pants to sheer tops to sheer dresses - but that doesn't mean we should all try to wear them. Resolution: Sheer is okay for size twos, and only in small doses.
Another big trend for spring, possibly as a carryover from fall and winter, is women's clothing inspired by men's clothing: oversized blazers, ties, button-up blouses, wide-leg trousers.
I have always been a huge fan of androgynous clothing, especially women's fashion that looks like men's. Resolution: Girls, don't be afraid to buy a tie or some button-ups.
Another spring trend is going to be big, oversized hippie-ish clothing. I don't know how I feel about this one actually. As a rule, I am generally opposed to oversized clothing, because the vast majority of people cannot wear it and pull it off.
Once again, I guess it looks okay on super-skinny runway models, but even then I'm not completely sold on it. Resolution: Stay away from baggy clothing, no matter what Vogue says.
Lastly, neon colors are going to be huge. I prefer darker tones myself, but I don't shy away from bright colors either. I am pro-neon, in small doses.
Resolution: Yay for neon belts, bags and shoes. Nay to neon dresses, pants, oversized sheets referred to as shirts, etc.
Really quickly: I want to go ahead and give my nod of approval to Ugg boots. I don't think I've ever discussed them before, which is a faux pas considering how prevalent they are on this campus. They are ugly, it's true.
But anyone who owns a pair knows how amazing they are on the inside. And isn't that what counts in life? Don't judge a book by its cover, y'allz.
Next week: fashion police in full force. Get ready. Until then, majorly yours.