Friday, November 30, 2007

Taking on the trashy LSU tigers

I owe my readers an apology. For 13 weeks now I've been reprimanding Ole Miss Grove-goers for their disastrous fashion choices.

I thought I had seen it all, the worst of the worst. Colonel Reb-embroidered pants. Bow ties of all sorts. Barefooted nymphs frolicking among the stadium bleachers.

But I discovered on Nov. 17, 2007, that I had in fact seen nothing at all.

So I owe you all an apology. (And I don't apologize a lot, so listen up.) I'm sorry for chastising you. I'm sorry for mocking your poor fashion choices like they were the worst decisions ever made.

I'm sorry, not because I regret what I once wrote, but because I now realize that what I once deemed to be heinous and poorly-made fashion choices were not really that bad when compared to the trashy, classless, sleazy (yep, I said it) choices made by LSU fans in the Grove when they visited our lovely campus a couple of weeks ago.

There's been lots of big news the past two weeks. O got fired, Nutt got hired. Pillowgate. The presidential debates will make a Rebel appearance.

But the biggest news of all, ladies and gentlemen: LSU fans are as trashy as ever.

It all started when I walked to the Grove from my car Saturday morning, Grove chairs in arms, and found myself trailing behind a woman wearing a tiger print faux fur coat.

I saw lots of tiger print that day, but that didn't make it any less atrocious. She complimented her fugly wardrobe with a handbag that was - yep, you guessed it - purple and gold. The body of the bag was purple and I'm pretty sure the LSU tiger was embroidered on one side, complimented with gold piping, vom vom vom all over myself.

I had barely gotten over this disaster when I left my tent about 30 minutes later to go to the bathroom. On my way, I see faux fur tiger coat woman again. Except this time her outfit is complete. That's right, this time she's drinking what appears to be champagne out of a champagne glass that was adorned with "LSU! Geaux tigers!" around the rim, written in purple and gold paint pen.

I mean, seriously? You can't get much trashier than writing on a champagne glass with paint pen. I had to give this catastrophe a big LOLZ.

Moving on. It took me a while to get over her. But it only got worse. I'm sure many of you saw the LSU "pimps" walking around the Grove, complete with purple and gold canes and "pimp" cups.

I use that word very cautiously because they were so poorly dressed and obviously huge fools, thus suggesting only the trashiest of the trashy would ever want to be seen with them (READ: LSU girls).

I threw up in my mouth a little when I saw them walking by my tent. Then I heard the news that someone had come to visit our precious Grove equipped with a tent boasting a stripper pole in the middle.

I pretty much died inside. The fact that someone would come onto the Ole Miss campus, arguably the classiest and prettiest campus in the South, and have the audacity to set up a stripper pole in the Grove is disgusting. Trash, trash, trash.

You don't look cool. You look like fools. Let's be honest - the only stripping that will be going on is your stripping off your ridiculous outfits. Take your stripper pole and leave, seriously. This is not LSU. This is Ole Miss.

I'm sure where you come from, doing things like dressing like pimps and setting up a stripper pole in the middle of your yard is, like, so totally awesome. Here, it's just trash. Get out.

I have to give LSU fans their share of credit, though. It's not entirely their fault. The LSU colors are so heinous that it would be hard for them to wear them and somehow look cute.

I saw one girl do it though. She had on jeans (not appropriate for the Grove, but I'll let it slide), a royal purple top and a cropped yellow jacket. She looked cute. All by herself.

I have never been to the LSU campus during a football game, and I'm pretty sure I never want to go. I would probably die.

One thing is for sure: the last Grove really put things into perspective for me. Ole Miss fans no longer seem like the absolute fashion calamities they once did. Congratulations, y'all. We have some class. Who knew.

Oh, and one more thing. The "Geaux tigers! Kick their ass!" cheer is not only effing annoying, but also it's grammatically incorrect. "Their" is a plural possessive pronoun. "Ass" is obviously a singular noun. So it should be, "Kick their asses!" Not only do y'all dress trashy as hell, you're also ignorant. LOLZ!

Enjoy your break, y'all. Feel free to e-mail me with fashion concerns and questions.

Until then, majorly yours.

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