Tuesday, November 4, 2008


Because it's election day, and I know the one thing you all really care about is whether or not I'm updating this blog, I want to start by apologizing. It's been nearly two months since I posted anything. I sux. I'm sorry. I've been really busy traveling for work and contributing to the blog there, and I neglected you. I'm sorry, Hautey Toddy lovers. And haters.

You will all be glad to know that I was called to action this weekend by something particularly post-worthy (read: particularly awful). I went to the Day of the Dead festival in Birmingham, which was really cool because there were lots of shrines people had put together for loved ones they lost, and I was having a great time until I saw something that, naturally, made me wish I were... dead.

I'm afraid to post these photos because of the shock that some people may experience. You may feel sensations of nausea, confusion, or dying brainz. Just as a warning. Here they are.

(Face blocked out to protect identity and dignity. Strike that last part. Just identity.)

And, in case that doesn't satisfy you, a closeup:

Photos courtsey of Andrew.

And in case you can't read it:

You can't see it in these photos, but on each side of the Utilikilt can be found two large utilipockets, metal snaps and all. Because I can think of nothing else coherent to say, I have written an open letter to the man in the Utilikilt:

Dear Man in the Utilikilt:

I understand the function of the Utilikilt. Really, I do. A person can wear a Utilikilt in a myriad of situations. You're building a boat or a deck or something manly, but you don't want to come across as too manly in your cargo pants: Utilikilt. You need to carry a lot of heavy ish in your pockets, but you don't want your pants to hang low, nomesayin???: Utilikilt. And, apparently, you're going to an art gallery event dedicated to our long lost loved ones: Utilikilt.

But really, Man in the Utilikilt: Chacos??? Srsly? You take a perfectly respectable article of clothing like a kilt made out of heavy-duty painters' fabric and pair it with something tragic like a pair of Chacos? I'm so ashamed. You could have gone with something just a little more appropriate, like a nice pair of Merrells. Or if you really wanted to outdo yourself: Crocs. Lightweight and attractive, they would have made your Utilikilt super utilitilititlitllitarian.

Also, another suggestion. You should totally ask out that girl in the hot skinny jeans and brown boots standing in front of you. I'm sure she digs guys in kilts, espesh Utilikilts. Do it. Doooo it.


Until next time, majorly yours.

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