So normally I avoid Republicans like I avoid people in the hall wearing Crocs, but last night I made an effort to be a good citizen and listen to their versions of things, at least as Rudy Giuliani and Sarah Palin see them. I had been hearing a lot of talk about the latter of these two, and I wanted to hear for myself what she had to say.
Unfortunately I couldn't really focus on either of them because I was too distracted by the audience, which was sheathed in glitter, feather boas, tall patriotic hats and American-flag themed eyeglasses. It looked like the muppets had a tragic run-in with Dick Cheney and the remnants were disposed of in St. Paul.
I mean, really. I saw a woman in a glittery red cowboy hat, red feather boa and I'm sure some sort of obnoxious pin that said "HOCKEY MOMS FOR PALIN." I remember another lady wearing eyeglasses that were coated with the pattern of the American flag. I'm sure Lenscrafters would approve of such tackiness, but Uncle Sam probably would not. And it sho don't make you more of a patriot.
Even Cindy herself looked like death in a lime-green suit. What was that? I'm pretty sure the last time I saw a human being wearing that color was in the fifth grade when we all worshipped at the altar of Lisa Frank.
Perhaps what made the evening's attire seem even worse was that each ensemble was topped off with a gaping mouth shouting "DRILL, BABY, DRILL!" or something equally inane and disturbing. The only thing more skerry than a stadium full of fervored Republicans is an Old Navy full of parents and children during the back-to-school sale. Actually they might be closer to a tie.
Palin's outfit wasn't too offensive, but it wasn't exactly exciting either. It was pretty blah. And I spent a good portion of my time trying to figure out how it worked. There was a collar, but it vanished into some sort of overshirt that was never really explained. Sort of like how people choose to live in Alaska, it didn't make much sense.
If I were going to vote based on personal fashion choices alone, the Democrats would have my vote by a long shot. Michelle Obama always looks fabulous and I don't seem to recall a vague taste of vomit in my mouth as I watched the DNC.
But then I would be voting for someone whose name rhymes with Osama, and y'all know I loves my country, like, WAY too much for that ish.
Until next time, majorly yours.
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